The Art of Not Letting Doubt Stop You

I feel that doubt is something that ebbs and flows throughout life.

For the past 7 years I have been working as a therapist, and so often people get disappointed with themselves when they struggle with being able to challenge negative thought patterns, and push away thoughts of self-doubt. The thing is that we are constantly in this process of rewiring, or basically unwinding all of these learned thought patterns and behaviors that have been instilled in us since we were little kids.

I feel that most of us have some pretty solid memories around the age of 4-5, now if you are say 30 years old then you have 25-26 years of unlearning unhelpful behaviors, and unhealthy self-talk. This is why the process of changing takes a lot of effort and time, along with consistency. Plus, in life we tend to look to others for validation, and approval. So if someone external to us puts doubt in our mind for any reason we seem to accept their doubt as fact, when it is in fact not. Now their doubts and negativity could be their opinion of you, or it could be a personal opinion they hold of themselves that they are projecting onto you. Regardless of what it is we need to focus on internal validation and work on improving our internal world.

Eventually, many people will find themselves being able to challenge negative thought patterns, and as time goes by they’re able to decrease self deprecating language. When this happens they think their language is forever changed by doing it a couple of times, but our minds don’t work like that, but I so wish they did! The problem is that when we are not consistent with challenging and changing negative self talk on a daily basis it will easily creep back into our minds. This happens often when a new situation arises in our lives (opportunity, or relationship). That is when we are more vulnerable to self-doubt thoughts.

Even for me! The lord knows. Sometimes when new things come my way I will question myself and say, “Can I do this?” and I answer, “Yes I just have to prepare.” If you are someone who answers with a negative response toward yourself, identify your accomplishments, the moments where you surprised yourself, and the goals you have achieved up to this point.

 

I also tell clients as humans we naturally question things so if our negative self talk is a question such as, “Can I even do this, am I even capable?” Simply answer the question, “I can do this because I’ve done XYZ, or yeah I’m capable because I am able to learn and when I learn I do my job well.” Even acknowledging if you don’t know how to do something but saying you can try is using better language. The goal is to shut down the thoughts by challenging them.

 

Don’t let self-doubt drive your behaviors, and don’t let it hold you hostage from living your life! Try new things, mess up, learn, and be better. None of us are perfect, but we all have something special we bring to every room we enter. Challenge the doubt, and believe in yourself more.

Much love,

Gabrielle