What is Self-love? - Perspective Granted

Photo: Valeria Boltneva

When thinking of the internal concept of self-love, what is it exactly? Is it liking yourself? Being nice to yourself? Taking care of yourself? Treating yourself with respect?

Self-love is all of these things, along with accepting yourself as you are, and recognizing that despite your flaws you are worthy. It is loving things about yourself that others in your life, or society may deem as disagreeable.

When your focus is on what others think then you become a people pleaser, which allows you to become crowned agreeable, or in other words worthy according someone else’s standards. When you get caught in this cycle you allow your worth to be determined by another human being, which provides people with the power to deem you worthy, or unworthy, dependent on their state of mind. Know that when you have to sacrifice any part of yourself for approval that is not love.

Think back to the first moment when you felt like someone didn’t like you. Did you think to yourself, “What is wrong with me?” “How can I make them like me?” That was the moment where you began to place more importance on someone else’s opinion, and threw yours out the window. Now, I will say this is a typical reaction because people want to feel liked, loved, supported, and connected to others, and it seems that the easiest and immediate way to achieve this, is to do what people want. I have been in this place, and it makes you lose the spark of what truly makes you, you. With family, friends, and people in general when you make them all happy, they are nice, and when they are nice to you, you feel loved and accepted. Though, this is love at a cost, which is not real love.

The problem that people pose is, “How does one even start to find love within when you lack it?” We begin simply by showing ourselves compassion and understanding, instead of being our worst critic. Speak harshly and tear yourself down, or speak encouraging and build yourself up. The choice really is yours.

Remind yourself that you are deserving of respect, speak to yourself with acceptance of the person you are today, and accept the person that you so desperately want to forget from the past. Forgive your past self for any mistakes you have made, because that person you are so mean to got you to this point, that person helped you to survive difficult moments in your life, and that person allowed you to learn, so thank your past self for not giving up on you. Encourage yourself each and every day with affirmations. As time passes you will get to a place where you can reflect, and accept yourself as being flawed, but realize that despite this you are oh so lovable. Lastly, self-love is saying no to others and saying yes to yourself!

My reminder to you is to treat yourself with love and respect every single day, compliment yourself more, and when a thought enters your mind make sure that it is filled with love.