Black Hair Love Journey

Introduction

Black hair! Bold, beautiful, thick, big, curly, frizzy, and sometimes has a mind of its own. Hair is powerful, a statement piece, the thing on top of your head for all to see, and the thing that can make or break your self-esteem. Sometimes we have a love-hate relationship with our hair, but then again we aren’t born to hate things, we are taught to.

My Hair Journey

The journey to loving your hair can be a long one. I’ve had a love, hate, love again relationship with my hair. Let me quickly take you through my journey. When I was little I didn’t mind my hair because I didn’t think anything of it. Late teens was the time where I believed my hair had to be straight for me to be seen as beautiful. The messages I received were, “Your hair looks better straight,” and “Like this you look pretty.” When it was curly I’d hear, “It’s nappy,” “You need a perm,” “It’s so frizzy,” “It’s big.” Negative comment after comment makes you feel like how you look is wrong. Hearing these statements from people in my day-to-day life, and media messages confirming them made me hate my hair, and made me want to hide. Now, your girl already has a unique look, and I wasn’t blessed with 20/20 vision so yes glasses, and then the lord had to throw big hair onto the human order. I thought, “Sir why you got to do be like this.”

The overall message I received from society:

Black, Curly Hair = Unacceptable

Non-black, Long, Straight Hair = Acceptable

Basically, you’re seen as ugly or pretty

Luckily, I have come to a place of loving my hair and loving every inch of me! The shift happened in college. One day I was looking at myself in the mirror as the comments of others were replaying in my head, and I said to myself these people’s opinions don’t matter, half of them are rude, and the others enjoy making fun of people because they themselves are insecure, and I said screw this, curly hair is me!! I will straighten my hair when I feel like it, because only I need to approve of me. Thank Jesus I came to my senses!

I Am Not Alone

I brought up this conversation with friends and family to get their take on their relationship with their hair. Below is what I asked:

One statement to describe your relationship with your hair.

How does your hair impact how you view yourself?

“I feel like a part of me is missing. I have dealt with this since childhood when my mom cut my hair off so she didn’t have to deal with it, and my hair has never been the same since. Just makes me feel horrible and disconnected. Learning to see past my lack of hair.”

 

“Great I don’t have to do it, because I leave it in braids, before braids my relationship with my hair was stressful, I felt depressed and would cry because I couldn’t do much with it.”

 

“Blessed, I love my hair, it is manageable and easy to do. I can toss water and gel on it and slick it down.” (My one sibling with a calm grade of hair- how dare she have such a lovely experience, hahaha just kidding all love here)

 

“Not well, when it’s natural I don’t feel that it looks decent. Just feel unsatisfied, because I know how it looks when it’s on and popping in braids.”

 

“On good days I would say I feel untouchable because I know it’s on point, but on bad hair days I don’t feel put together and feel a mess.”

 

“Love hate relationship! If my hair isn’t decent I don’t feel like my best self and I am not to be bothered. It sets the tone for how I feel when I walk out the door. I can have my best outfit on but if my hair looks crazy then you won’t catch me outside.”

We all have good hair days, bad hair days, and everything in between, but it is trying to not have our hair define us as people. We can still strut out the house even when our hair isn’t super sleek, because our face is still cute, remember that!!!

Embrace Your Image

Our hair is one of the first things that people see when they look at us. It is the thing we cannot hide, and the thing that people like to criticize and pick apart, which is no wonder why we are so serious about our hair. Part of the journey to loving your hair is to discount the negative comments that come from others, and to be honest part two is finding a good hair product. Now, acceptance of black hair in its natural form is starting to change within our society, and thank goodness for that, but not everyone is on board. So you alone have to love & accept yourself inside and out.

The beautiful thing I can say about black hair is that it is very versatile. You can wear it naturally curly, do a twist out, straighten it, wear braids, rock an afro, dreads, faux locs, a fade, cornrows, or slick it down into a bun or ponytail and baby hair the crap out of it.

With my rant, I am not saying to not wear wigs or weaves, even I love to change up my hair. What I am saying is to work on seeing yourself as beautiful regardless of the tresses that are on your head, real or faux. Try to look past your hair to see you, your face, your essence!

Conclusion

When it comes to hair, and your overall appearance do not let others dictate how you are allowed to present yourself. Your stamp of beauty comes from you. Regardless of where you are on your path towards loving your hair, try your best to look inward, let that self-esteem come from who you are as a person. Remember, self-esteem fueled by others can be taken away just as easily as it can be given. I hope you grow to love the raw beauty that exist in you.

Blessings to you my beautiful friend!

Gabrielle